We all have self-talk or an inner voice that can be a bit like the angel and devil on our shoulders. Sometimes our inner voice is really helpful as we can use language as opposed to trial and error learning. For example, our inner voice warns us against picking up a snake without having to experience being bitten by one. It also helps with efficient and fast functioning. Who hasn’t watched a few youtube instructional videos to learn how to fix something. And self-talk provides some helpful rules about how to function effectively in society, from legal rules “drink driving is against the law” to social/relational rules “I should moderate my response when my partner asks how they look in their new out fit.” However, there are also downsides to our inner voice. Self- talk can lead to rigid rule following i.e. “people can’t be trusted”. Our inner voice can also mean that we stop making choices based on our own experience and instead, rely on other people’s advice and opinions. But as we all know, other people aren’t always right, or give advice that is right for us. Also, our verbal rules that work in one environment may not work in another. Think about different cultural norms and rules. What can you do in Australia that would be inappropriate, or perhaps illegal to do in other coutry. Our inner voice can also transform ideas without reference to our physical environment or experience. This means that worry makes the future seem more dangerous and rumination makes the past seem more damaging. 

Unfortunately, we can’t stop our thoughts- if you try, you will soon find that your mind starts chattering away. We also can’t push our thoughts away, well not for long. If I said try as hard as you can to NOT think about a white polar bear…….what are you thinking about? Something big, white, and fluffy no doubt. The good news is, we can turn down the volume on our thoughts so we have more room to move and behave in a way that is consistent with what’s important to us. 

How do I do this? Start as simply as this… NOTICE. 

Notice yourself thinking, say to yourself “I’m having the thought that…… (I’m not good enough, I’m worried this will never change).Try it out for yourself. Silently say a difficult thought to yourself a few times and notice how this makes you feel in your body (typically, an uncomfortable feeling arises). Then say to yourself “I’m noticing the thought that……” and notice the difference. If you don’t notice any change, that’s ok, practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes things more permanent. Give it a go.

Dr Kate Cruise