Why Don’t Psychologists Give Direct Advice?

A lot of people hope that a psychologist will just tell them what to do to get life on track again or be happy. I wish it were that easy – but life isn’t that simple. Most importantly, ‘your’ life isn’t that simple. You are a complex person, with a rich history of experiences. Some of these experiences have been helpful to you, while some have had a negative impact. They have influenced how you see yourself, and how you view situations and other people. Often, these influences have been with us for so long that they have become automatic. This automatic aspect can mean that it’s difficult to completely understand why we sometimes react and feel the way we do. So, it’s often very important that your therapeutic journey is one that includes understanding your personal journey from childhood to the person you are today. That will give you the best chance of overcoming your current challenges, and it will also give you the best chance of making sure that life stays good.

In any case, anyone who gives you advice is really just telling you what they would do in your situation, and it’s unlikely that they would know what’s best for you in your unique circumstances. Therapy is also a time for growth as much as overcoming challenges, and that means you should be willing to explore and discover new ways of thinking and behaving, and find out what’s best for you.

There are, of course, many times when people are overwhelmed by the circumstances in which they find themselves. Your psychologist will definitely give you direct help and suggestions in terms of how you might be able to reduce your stress levels, for example, when times are tough – and may suggest things that will result in some quick improvements if you prioritise them. We will do our utmost to share what we have learned over the years from helping other people – but we can really only make helpful suggestions that might be a good starting point.

While psychologists don’t usually give direct advice with regard to your particular issue or challenge, they will almost certainly encourage you to do some experiments with your life. They will suggest new ways of thinking, behaving, and interacting with the world – and then reflect on whether the different outcomes you’re likely to experience have worked better for you than your old ways. If there are some internal barriers to making positive behaviour changes (which are often linked to childhood experiences), your psychologist will help you to understand what they might be, and to work on overcoming what are almost always very limiting behaviours.

It may sound a little clichéd, but your psychologist is very much beside you as you work through beliefs about yourself and others that limit your enjoyment of life. They will help you to identify what they might be, and they will help you to identify different options for dealing with life and overcoming problems. In this way, you will be in the best position to leave your problems behind you, and minimise the chance of them happening again.